Here’s the thing…

I love being a mother. I felt I became myself when I brought my son home. It was the first time I had ever experienced true contentment in my life.

As my son got older I started to be pulled away from that serenity.

Back into life, the real world, or so they say.

But let me start from the beginning.

I am a wife and mother.

I also happen to suffer with anxiety and depression.

Looking back on my life I realized these “episodes” started very early on.

One of my first memories was when I was about three or four years old. I was sitting on my parents bed alone looking around the room and everything seemed distorted. Almost moving in a way. I was having a panic attack and I didn’t know what it was.

My childhood was, according to my mother, stressful. She suffers from mental illness as well.

Without going into details I will just say my condition comes from certain traumas in my life as well as genetics.

Mental illness. Trauma. It seems very strange to see those words written down for all to see. Written by my hand.

It feels good.

So that’s my back story.

I have no idea where this blog will go…but I know the one thing that is hard about being a wife, mother or just grown up woman in general, is the expectation to be perfect and the indifference of the people around watching us drown when we find out we aren’t or not lending a hand when we are exhausted from trying.

Life can be lonely.

But today I have decided to live my best life.

Not the perfect one, and probably not very conventional, but it will be mine.

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About Bee

I am a mom. I have suffered through boughts of depression, anxiety and PTSD. I have a great husband who I adore and who continually supports me. I love people and animals. I devour non fiction books. I am a foodie and I love to cook but have screwed up every one of Paula Deans dishes I have tried to make. I am now convinced it is she who can’t cook. I make my own butter and cheese but I never make my bed. I have an odd habit of speaking with a "Shrek" accent to make people laugh. I LOVE to make people laugh. I love little children. I am afraid of swings and can’t watch my own or anybody elses child…well…swing. I am convinced I have a touch of ADD because I always click on the “link” in an article which means I have read the beginning of thousands of articles but have never finished them, usually because I can’t find them again. I always wear lipstick.
This entry was posted in anxiety, depression, motherhood. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Here’s the thing…

  1. It’s wonderful that you are sharing your perspective on a subject that it taboo for many people. It sounds like writing is cathartic for you and I hope doing this blog gives you a channel, through which, you can share your views.

    Being a parent who deals with depression and anxiety can seem like an insurmountable challenge. All the roles you’re expected to take on can be taxing to the point of just shutting down.

    I wish you luck on your new site and hope to be back soon to read your next article. If you want a different perspective on depression and anxiety, I encourage you to check out my site as well. If nothing else, it’s another perspective.

    Cheers,
    David
    http://www.allthingsdepression.com

    • Bee says:

      Thank you David for your support! Writing is very cathartic for me. I have been hesitant to write about this subject because there is still a stigma surround anxiety and depression. There are even people who believe if you deal with these issues you should not have children. I myself questioned my ability to parent effectively. As I was doing research on the subject I found there was very little information on the subject in regards to mothers. Lots on postpartum depression, but nothing on on going issues. I also found that the information was a bit dry. While it is a serious thing, there are still things that, in hindsight, can be humorous. With suicide being the number one cause of death in new mothers, we have to stop whispering about this subject. Given how unhealthy our society is becoming, we need to bring it out of the shadows.

      I will be peeking through your site tonight after I get my little one off to bed:)

      Bee

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